Written by Chuck Terzella
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Tuesday, 4 May 2004

Reports are that Michael Jackson's Underwear has signed a multi-city stadium tour contract. The tour is to take place later in the concert season. The Underwear, which at this point in time is assisting authorities in their investigation of the singer's child molestation charges, has issued a statement confirming the reports, as well as announcing the release of an accompanying album, tentatively entitled "Spots".

At a press conference held at the Fruit of the Loom corporate offices, the Underwear described it's upcoming tour as " An extravaganza. The whole fabric of my being will go into making this tour the greatest the world has seen. My band will stretch to it's utmost limits; there will be no sagging of enthusiasm. Some of the songs on the new album that we'll be performing will be "Bleach Blanket Bingo", "Skid Marks on my Mind", "DNA (Your's or mine?)" and "I Need an 'Attitude' Adjustment", among others. It's gonna be great and I'm looking forward to playing with my backup band "The Fruits".

The Underwear's new agent, Mr. G. Stringfellow from the FBI (Federal Booking International) said in a separate interview, " The FBI is really excited to have it's hands on Mr. Jackson's drawers. In addition to helping us put Mr. Jackson away for several hundred years, we think that we could make a few bucks off it before it wears out and we have to throw it away."

The Underwear is a true rags to riches story, Just several weeks ago the Underwear was balled up and living in the bottom of a trunk full of Mr. Jackson's stage wear. The trunk ended up in the hands of Henry Vaccaro, who bought it at an auction. Mr. Vaccaro postulated that the Underwear was able to fine tune it's chops by taking tips from the stage wear. Mr. Vaccaro heard the Underwear singing the old sixties tune "Windy" by the Association. As to talent Mr. Vaccaro said, "It sure didn't stink, I'll tell you that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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