America called and texted, the votes are in, and the latest wannabe celebrity is leaving American Idol. This week, the viewers selected the latest person that they did not want to hear sing, dance, or speak any more...and that person was...
Ryan Seacrest. Yes, America voted and chose the slimey, used car salesman like host as the person on stage with the least amount of charm, charisma, or talent and sent him packing.
When he opened the envelope and saw his own name, the announcer was mildly upset. "What is this, a late April Fool's Day joke? Did someone get this wrong? Shouldn't it be Kristi or that girl whose name I can't ever pronounce the same way?"
Simon Cowell was not surprised by the departure. "Of late, Ryan has just been bloody awful. He was ghastly. His performances were so cabaret that they could have been phoned in from a cruise ship or a theme park. I don't know who dresses you, but they should be shot."
Paula Abdul, another judge, was supportive of Seacrest: "You know what we love about you Ryan is that you're just so you that I could just love you and squeeze you and encourage you to be yourself because that is where you are so talented and you look great and America just loves you so much because of that and I know that this is a beginning of a long and successful career for you because you are so talented."
The third judge, Randy Jackson, was almost unintelligible in his comments. "Yo yo yo dawg, you chillin' man? Wassup, dawg, wassup? Ya know, it really wasn't real for me, man, you wasn't a hot one tonight. You didn't have your groove on. It was kinda just pitchy, but a little alright."
A website famous for encouraging people to vote for the worst on the show was upset. Said one programmer, "we've been encouraging people to support Ryan for years, and it worked. I guess they just got tired of voting for him. He's worse than Sanjaya ever was! That's why we love him so much."
Seacrest plans to interview himself on his radio show tomorrow morning.
Las Vegas bookmakers have laid odds at 3 to 1 that Seacrest will hook up with Paris Hilton, making them the least talented celebrity couple in America.