Written by Wanda Rizzuto
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Topics: Orlando Bloom

Monday, 31 March 2008

"I am so going to be a Bugaloo!" - That's the message Orlando Bloom wants his fans to hear.

Last week the stage and screen star announced that he was to star in the live-action version of the 70's cartoon Hong Kong Phooey. Unfortunately for Bloom, his fans' reaction was not what he expected.

"I'm very disappointed in my fans," Bloom stated backstage at last night's Kids' Choice Awards. "Some of them have said the story was fake, a joke. What's so funny about me playing a crime-fighting dog? And I really did hurt myself practicing the filing cabinet stunt. Just because you didn't see any pictures of my injured arm doesn't mean it didn't happen. I didn't want anyone to worry."

Disappointed perhaps, but grateful for the opportunity to give us a few more details about the film.

"Kirsten (Dunst) has dropped out of the project. She doesn't think she'll be done with her spa treatment at The Cirque Lodge in time. I'd like to announce that Kate Bosworth will be playing Rosemary the telephone operator instead."

Fans will no doubt remember that Kate Bosworth is Bloom's former flame.

"Kate and I are both...anxious to have a hit film," Bloom continued. "I was afraid that it would be awkward, especially now that we have to do that controverisal love scene together. But after a few minutes it seemed just like old times."

Bloom is referring, of course, to the love scene between Rosemary and Hong Kong Phooey. Family groups and conservatives have called it "beastiality" and have threatened to do whatever it takes to stop distribution of the film.

"Bring it on," says Bloom. "It's all just free publicity!"

And just how does Miranda Kerr, Bloom's current lady love feel about him getting so close to his ex?

"Oh, Miranda's a lovely, lovely girl and she's very supportive of everything I do. She's very lovely. And supportive."

When asked if he had any messages for his fans, Bloom had this to say:

"I just want you all to know that I take my work very seriously and it's nothing to laugh at. Every interview I give, every public appearance. everything I do is for the sake of my craft and it's no laughing matter. Now kindly step aside while I shower off this green slime."

In other news, Miranda Kerr was seen at Spago in Beverly Hills crying over 2 dozen chocolate coconut donuts and a diet Coke.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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