Oslo--Today's surprise winner of the Nobel Prize for Stand-up Comedy was American Secretary of State Colin Powell. The following is a transcript of the remarks of the committee member making the announcement:
"We had a very tough choice this year, but on reviewing all of the nominees' performances, the committee finally reached consensus that Mr. Powell was the funniest this year. There was concern that Mr. Powell wasn't trying to be funny, but it was also obvious that he wasn't trying to be a diplomat, so we finally had to call the spade a spade. Uh, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I mean he was just funny, and so the prize is for the comic results of his "diplomacy to end all diplomacy" routine, even though he was sitting down most of the time.
"This was a surprising nomination, but the Mad Bomber--a little shop talk for Al, you know--said we had to have an open nomination process and consider anyone nominated by anyone, so when Mr. Powell was nominated, we had to consider it seriously. American Secretaries of State are usually nominated in other categories, like for the Peace Prize. Heck, the nominations are so open that some guy named Pudgy Waterhouse even nominated Dubya Bush for the Peace Prize, but the rules don't allow us to change the categories, even though several of the committee members thought that one must have been intended for one of the war categories."
We also have a transcript of the announcement as it was broadcast on the Rush Limbaugh show:
"More good news is that Colin Powell's fine work was finally recognized for a Nobel Prize. Even the Oslo folks recognized the fine job he's been doing on America's diplomatic efforts. We also heard that George himself is getting serious consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize. That'll show those communist pinky liberals a thing or three!"