It's official - Miley Cyrus is completely impossible. That's not the view of some disgruntled teacher, or unimpressed director. Nor is it a parental outburst from father Billy Ray. This is the result of three years' research from none other than top space boffin Stephen Hawking.
"I have used Mach's principle, quantum cosmology, all three Newtonian laws, gauge theories in elementary particle physics, the Hamiltonian theory of Einstein's gravitational field, quantum theory of covariant systems, and quantum geometrodynamics, de Broglie-Bohm versions of quantum mechanics, quantum scattering (foundations and the role of the quantum flux), Bohmian mechanics, covariant geometrodynamics and an abacus. But I have to say I can find no law in the universe that can explain why on earth Miley Cyrus, Miley Stewart and Hannah Montana are so blooming successful." said the cleverest man ever to speak through the use of an eyebrow and a computer.
Miley Cyrus has yet to respond, but sources close to the actress/singer have suggested that she is now terrified that she does not now exist - as are most writers for TheSpoof.com.