Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 29 March 2008

image for Gary Lineker Has His Bus Driver's Licence Revoked
Low bridge! Low bridge!

Gary Lineker, the ex-Leicester City, Everton, Tottenham Hotspur and England footballer, has had his Bus Driver's Licence revoked, after he was involved in an accident with a bridge.

The crash last week, in which the top half of Lineker's double decker was "sheared off", happened as the Match Of The Day host was out indulging his part time hobby of 'obtaining money for old rope' in an advertisement for crisp company Walkers.

A spokesman for the company said:

"Gary is usually a good driver, but on this occasion he was concentrating rather too much on the delicious product he was consuming, and he took a wrong turning."

Lineker could be seen 'covered in mud' in another recent Walkers advert - something that never happened during his footballing days. The former England captain was a notorious goal-scrounger who rarely muddied his shirt whilst playing.

The accident left Lineker badly shaken, but it's thought that he suffered no long-term damage.

Despite losing his Bus Driver's Licence in the crash, which totally destroyed the bridge near Leicester's Walkers Stadium, Lineker's Statutory Rights remain unaffected, and he will continue to eat crisps in massive amounts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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