Leona Lewis, the British songstress currently storming her way to success in the US, has admitted that she is naked under her clothes all day, every day. She even takes off those clothes at night and to have a shower.
The Catholic Church of Scotland has been outraged by this revelation and have started to attack Ms Lewis for portraying an image of wholesome innocence when under her clothes she is concealing naked, female flesh that is there to tempt young men - good, wholesome and innocent young men - away from the path of righteousness.
"Ms Lewis should apologise for her warm, soft, inviting flesh immediately." Announced Cardinal Keith O'Brien, taking time off from condemning life saving stem cell research and who still believes that Galileo was wrong. "She knows full well that Eve was possessed of a pair of breasts such as Ms Lewis no doubt keeps in her bra -and we all know what happened to Adam and mankind thanks to Eve."
The Archbishop of Canterbury was asked to comment on the Cardinal's statements: "Oh he's right, absolutely right. Everybody's right - Muslim's are right about Sharia law and the Cardinal is right about this." He then winked and added: "But she has got a lovely pair hasn't she."