Madonna has attacked "Red" Ken Livingstone for the gridlock, congestion and pollution caused by the green Mayor's congestion charge.
Pop star and multi-decade slut, Madonna claims that her chauffeur refuses to drive into London because of the problems in the Tube and the roads to the big city: "I'm like a virgin stuck out here in the countryside with nothing to ride but a shepherd or three!
"Sure it's bucolic but I'll leave the sheep to Kelley and Sheets and their lot. I go to sleep every night with wishes on my lips just like a prayer but I'm stuck by Red Ken's Greenishness.
"I'm a rich bitch and a material woman and I should be able to shag a right fine young London lad anytime the fancy strikes me fancy bits!"
Boris Johnson commented that if he is elected as the next Mayor of London, he would be willing to give Madonna a good ride in The City.