Losing miserably in fundraising, voter enthusiasm and candidate recruitment US Republicans are putting the pub back in the GOP's grand old name.
Patty O' McFarty, owner of pubs in all the best political ghettoes reports that his former source of profits and blarney the Irish Democrat has dried up: "Those boyos are so flush with cash they're drinkin' Jameson at the Ritz. They are busy running for office or backing the latest winning horse. Who's crying in their beer is the Republican faithful.
"They are so poor, it's only cheap beer for them and with no candidates and no campaigns, they're fillin' my coffers as their Grand Old Party goes to its coffin."