Written by Jesus Budda

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Monday, 31 March 2008

image for Tom Cruise Buys Oprah Couch
I loooove Katie soooo much!", Tom talks so much shit the couch has turned brown

Tom Cruise has bought at auction the couch made infamous from his jumping escapades while appearing on the Oprah Winfrey show.

The star paid a whopping $15,000 for the yellow, padded piece of furniture, which went under the hammer in a swanky New York auction house.

"This is the couch I leapt on with such gay ecstasy at my love of Katie", said the man-child, "I love this couch!"

"This couch gave me more publicity than a Hollywood hack or sleazy agent could ever create", said the insanely happy dwarf.

With that, Cruise began jumping up and down on it - much to the delight of photographers and newspaper editors too lazy to bother looking for real news stories.

Cruise intends to put the damn thing in front of his TV in the living room of his spacious mansion, but for the time being, the couch will be housed at a secure Scientology vault accessible only to the inner circle of the 'religion' such as John Travolta and soul legend Isaac Hayes.

"Out Of The Closet", the esteemed furniture and household magazine, is doing an 8-page spread of Cruise and his beloved couch in next month's edition

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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