Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

image for George Michael to tour U.S. after picking up "Bed, Bath and Beyond" as sponsor
Bed, Bath and Beyond introduces "The George Michael's Golden Showers Private Collection"

London, England - After a four year long successful run in Europe former "Wham!" member, George Michael, plans to cross the pond and play in Canada and the United States, continuing his tour. The decision to extend the tour came when Michael picked up a new sponsor, "Bed, Bath and Beyond." As a part of their sponsorship deal, Michael's designed an exclusive private collection of public restrooms for the company.

"George Michael seemed the natural choice," said a spokesman for Bed, Bath and Beyond. "Given his artistic talents, arrest and conviction record for having sex in a public restroom."

Bed, Bath and Beyond had been looking to enter the urban sex in public restroom niche market for a number of years now and saw George Michael as the perfect opportunity to enter it.

George Michael and Bed Bath and Beyond will use the tour to introduce their collaboration in producing a public restroom personally designed by Michael called "The George Michael's Golden Showers private Collection" that has the urban homosexual into sex in public restrooms in mind.

"Now gay men, posing as straight men or committed life companions, can bring the thrill and excitement of having gouty sex in a public restroom into their home without the little woman or man being the wiser," said a spokesman for Bed, Bath and Beyond.

According to Martha Stewart, "The George Michael's Golden Showers Private Collection" captures the experience so realistically, that gay men into sex in public restrooms will never have the desire to venture outside of their home to risk exhibition sex ever again.

"The George Michael's collection is fantastic," said Stewart. "It captures the essence of disgustingly filthy conditions of the public restrooms that you forget you're having sex in the safety of your own home. Michael has an eye for detail right down to the tissue paper plugging the mysterious hole in the stall's wall, homosexual graffiti in eclectic urban graphic novel form, depicting various penises of exaggerated sizes in permanent states of arousal, all individually hand drawn by local artisans. And complete with a non-function toilet that you cannot help but feel a cop is about to walk in on you at any minute."

"Disquietingly filthy," said Modern Architecture Magazine. "So much so that you can't help become strangely sexually aroused no matter what your sexual orientation."

Several floor samples of the George Michael collection will be on display at the concert for tour goers to try out.

Bed, Bath and Beyond says it believes that the Michael collection will be so successful that there are plans in the works for a follow up collection.

"Currently, we are in negations with Senator Larry Craig," said a spokesman for Bed, Bath and Beyond. "But he wants to design closets only. He's still in denial."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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