Written by Jesus Budda
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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

image for Tom Cruise: "I am the Lindbergh Baby!"
Go fetch the ball, Katieeeeeee!

Hollywood multi-millionaire actor Tom Cruise has admitted to authorities that he is indeed the fabled "Lindbergh Baby".

"I just can't keep this secret any longer", cried a teary-eyed Cruise, "I've just gotta come out and say it: I am the Lindbergh Baby, goddammit!".

Many believed that Cruise was born Thomas Cruise Mapother III, but recent documents uncovered by Scientologist Detectives have unearthed the shocking revelation.

The Lindberg Baby was the child of famous aviator Charles Lindbergh and his wife. The infant disappeared in a botched kidnapping.

A body was discovered that many said was that of Charles Augustus Lindbergh, Junior but recent documents prove this was not the case and was a sick, twisted hoax.

Bruno Hauptmann was convicted and electrocuted for the crime, though he always proclaimed his innocence tight up to the end.

For safety the infant - who was safely recovered by police - was sent away to live in another state and brought up by a foster family. The Lindbergs regularly visited their son in total secrecy. The child became known to the world as 'The Cruiser'.

"I want to make peace with my Lindbergh family relatives and sahre the love with them", said Cruise, "we'll have a big party to celebrate - just like the ones in Eyes Wide Shut".

Cruise made the announcement at a Scientology ceremony in central Hollywood. John Travolta was in attendance, as were a few other weirdo's and pot smokers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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