Written by Jalapenoman

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Sunday, 23 March 2008

image for Winona Ryder Caught Shoplifting Again
Instead of sneaking it out in a bag, the actress simply covered herself with the products

The former child star and Oscar nominated actress Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting again. This time, it was make-up from a Hollywood drug store (her previous shoplifting conviction was for $5000 worth of clothes). No charges will be filed against Ryder for this incident.

When asked why she felt the need to steal ten dollars worth of lip gloss and vitamin E cream, the actress responded by saying: "They really want me to pay for this stuff? I'm an actress, I'm supposed to get this free. I get free drinks from clubs just for being seen there. I get free food from restaurants because it brings in other people. Why can't this stupid pharmacy just give me the stuff like everyone else?"

When asked why he just didn't give it to her, store manager Dawn Denver replied that "I ain't seen her on tv lately. What movie has she been in? What reporters were following her around? She ain't been hot since Heathers!"

In a Freudian slip, the actress promised to sue for "definition of character" after hearing the manager's remarks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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