Written by Jesus Budda

Print this

Monday, 24 March 2008

image for Tom Cruise is Gayest Guy in Hollywood
Tom likes nothing more than 'kicking back' with his abbatoir buddies

An insider has revealed that heart-throb movie star Tom Cruise is the gayest man in Hollywood history.

The insider, who asked to remain nameless, works for 'TomCats' scientology-themed abattoir business. She says that Tom often drops by to check on the slaughter process.

"Every time I see him he's smiling", said the shy mystery 'insider', "he's always happy and flashing that famous million dollar smile. I would describe him as extremely gay and merry. By far the gayest guy in Hollywood.".

"He often leaves tips", she adds, "why only last week he said ' if you spill red wine on your carpet, you should pour some white wine over it, let it dissolve and then pat gently with a cloth'"

Cruise, who is famous for playing 'manly' action roles in which he always gets the girl, is different off camera - according to our source:

"Tom is intense. But in a nice way. He'll always take the time to help the naked muscular abattoir butchers carry the meat around the back of the factory. He could be gone for, oh, 30 minutes at a time and when he returns his face is always flushed and covered in sweat".

Cruise was inspired to open a slaughter house by 'Color Of Money' so-star Paul Newman while shooting that movie. Newman sells cans of blood and uses the funds to help needy children in Kansas.

Make Jesus Budda's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 5?

8 25 13 22

Go to top