Written by Sophie Jayne
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Saturday, 22 March 2008

image for The Real Reason for Voldermort's Meanness
Voldie wants to get kinky with Harry.

It has emerged today that the tales of the dark lord that you were span and gullibly believed for so long were untrue. And that the truth was quiet the reverse.

Voldemort (yes we are hard enough to call him by his name) was never an evil lord trying to take over the wizarding world, he was just a helpless soul in love. That is right Voldemort is in love with Harry James Potter and has been ever since he first laid eyes on him (this is strangely not classed as paedophilia in the wizarding world). The only reason Voldemort was mean to young Harry was because he was trying to get his attention.

"Yes I finally admit it." Voldie told us earlier "I just need to pluck up enough courage to ask him out."

Unfortunately for the ex dark lord we don't think the boy wizard is interested "I can see why he fancies me, I mean look at me, who wouldn't want a bit if me? But I like girls, lots of girls and i still don't fully forgive him for killing my parents. However if Bellatrix Lestrange is free, she should call me." The cheeky boy wizard said.

It looks like Voldemort is in for a bit of heartbreak.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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