After her early release from prison a few months back, Britney Spears was ordered to perform 2000 hours of community service. Until now, the only service that she had performed for the world at large was mostly keeping her clothes on and staying out of the tabloids. This changed with her beginning a new foundation to help the homeless.
"Give a Homeless Man an Orgasm" is the new charitable organization founded by Britney Spears to both work off her court ordered sentence and assist the homeless. In a media campaign, Spears will encourage local women to come to the shelters and assist the vagrants to have sexual experiences.
Said Spears: "I mean, like, everyone needs to get their rocks off. No one wants to sleep with these guys, or even give them a hand job or blow job cuz they stink and stuff. They also can't hire it done cuz hookers don't even want 'em. My new charity will help to change all that."
"We're gonna make sure they all get a bath, a shave, a haircut, and some clean clothes. Then, we'll send 'em back to some rooms where a buch of volunteers can help them come in something besides their hand or a dirty kleenex."
"Orgasms are a basic human right, from the constitution or something. They all deserve that."
Those desiring to volunteer to "Give a Homeless Man an Orgasm" should send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. All service donated will go towards Britney's 2000 hours.