Record company executives are desperately trying to get their hands on the download data for Radiohead's 'In Rainbows' Album, released on the internet late last year.
According to sources, the data is thought to be so valuable that Marty Schmicklegruber, CEO of Warbler Brothers Records, offered Radiohead the Island of Figi, plus a fleet of 50 MiG-33's in return for an excel spreadsheet full of Radiohead fan data.
The band have declined the offer via a coded statement, which translates to:
"....Figi - We are not interested in occupying territories associated with dictators such as Bainimarama - or indeed, any act on Stock, Aitken and Waterman's roster.
"Mig 33s - We already have a fleet of 50 MIG 33s. As we have been unable to get them to operate efficiently on low emissions biodiesel, and will therefore be disposing of them in accordance with the Waste and Electrical Equipment Directives (WEEE), they are of negative value to us. If you would like advice on how to dispose of Jet Fighter Planes environmentally, we would be pleased to email you our factsheet...."
In other news, animal rights campaigners are said to be up in arms about Radiohead's plans to use 5000 husky dogs to pull their tour bus across the country. This, along with other measures such using as glow worms to provide stage lighting, will enable the band to make their future shows 'carbon neutral'.