The creator of the first boy band has pleaded guilty today in a US courtroom. Charged with indecent assault on the ears of all world residents, Mr River could face a maximum of 25 years in prison and a hefty fine.
"I'm accepting full responsibility" said River, 52, who later went on to tell the courtroom that he deeply regretted his actions.
Even with his guilty plea it is unlikely that River will be let off easy. His actions no doubt led the way for other Boy Bands to emerge such as The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync, damages that can never be repaid.
A Spokesperson for River stated that if his client could undo all of the damage that has been done, he would. Unfortunately with radio stations playing boy band songs daily that seems very unlikely.
So while River is bound to have a long and lonely winter this year, at least he can keep a peace of mind knowing that he won't have to listen to another boy band melody for a while. The tragedy for us in the real world though, seems to be never ending. Boy bands continue to tour and make albums. One mistake that can't be undone may very well be the undoing of us all.