Hollywood, California - Although Miley Cyrus's name change barely registering on the media's radar as a blip, Dr. Phil may have just finished taping his last show dedicated to examining the tidbits of the fractured life of yet another celebrity. All in a vain attempt to appease his (and our) subconscious fetish with them.
At this last taping, the studio audience must have sensed Dr. Phil's Achilles heal as they sat nervously quiet during the entire three hour marathon taping without being permitted leave their seats even to take a bathroom break behind chain locked studio doors.
"Come on people, if I have been over this once, I have been over this a thousand times today," said Dr. Phil, his wife noticeably missing from the studio and looking disheveled wearing a short sleeved shirt without his customary tie and business suit jacket. "Now I'm not letting you all out of here until you agree with me."
"Dr. Phil acted like a mad man," said Marie Hernandez, who finally was released from the Dr. Phil studio after the fire department cut the chains from the studio doors, citing the show's producers for a safety code violation. "We were all scared to death. We didn't know what to think or do. So we just sat there the entire time hoping somebody would notice that 100 people we missing for over three hours."
The show's producers attempted to explain that Dr. Phil just could not seem to get over the Britney Spears incident and in recent months had been unsuccessfully treating himself.
"In my experience, as a fully credentialed psychiatrist," said Dr. Phil. "It is not too uncommon of a practice for an individual to change their name to psychologically distance themselves away from their family and so-called friends that stab you in the back on a national morning TV show. That's why I'm taking this opportunity to announce that I have decided to support Miley Cyrus's decision to change her name by joining her in changing my name too. From now on, I'm no longer Dr. Phil. I am Dr. Punxsutawney Phil."
Dr. Phil then existed the studio stage floor as the fire department entered through the doors, but before he disappeared from sight, Dr. Phil turned back glancing over the studio once more and saying to the audience, "You won't be seeing me around here for a while. Not even my shadow."
No one has filed charges against Dr. Phil for false imprisonment; or are any expected ever to be filed because audience members all signed waivers, said the show's producers.