Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Naked, opera

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

image for Royal Opera House shrunken penis billboard actor offered nude Jesus role in Oberammergau Naked Passion Play
The downsized and airbrushed manhood bit from the poster has been expunged from this promo shot

Oberammergau, Austria - (Bare-Faced Cheek & Ass Mess): "We did it for a bet and a bit of a laugh, really," was all that Royal Opera House executives said initially about their remorseless downsizing of an operatic tenor's penis in a poster campaign promo.

But today Argentinian actor Juan Pablo di Pace is cock-a-hoop after being asked to play the starring role of a nude Jesus in the Oberammergau Naked Passion Play's 2010 production.

The Austrian performance takes place every ten years and will be staged in the nude for the first time in 2010.

"This is poetic justice after everything that I have suffered," Di Pace told CultureVulture magazine reporters today.

For months Di Pace's career has been mired in bare-assed controversy.

It started with a furious row after London's Royal Opera House airbrushed out his awesome genitalia from a 2001 poster for Verdi's Rigoletto.

"Of course they picked me for the show because of my stunning tenor singing voice," Di Pace told reporters, "but I think they were also impressed by my equally stupendous wedding tackle," Di Pace winked at reporters.

"As you know the 2001 season was a sell-out hit and I was delighted to promote the show by appearing in the nude for the billboard campaign.

"You can't imagine the offers I got after those posters were put up all over Europe!

"Of course I was too busy to notice the smirking a few years later.

"People started coming up to me and saying: 'You the guy in the ROH's 2001 Rigoletto?' and bursting out laughing.

"And then I saw it! Plastered all over the London underground railway tunnels - an updated 2005 poster of me in all my naked glory, still promoting the old production......except they'd airbrushed out my goddam penis! F*!***@%!*@!!! Hell!"

Di Pace then sent in the lawyers who sued the ROH for gross defamation, loss of earnings, loss of face and bare-faced cheek.

The actor has now accepted undisclosed damages after the ROH admitted the airbrushing was done behind his back "as a bit of a joke, really."

A spokesman for the prestigious operatic company said today:

"We were just leg-pulling for a bit of fun....

"It sometimes helps to bring down to size some of these wannabe Pavarottis!

"Actually it was probably one of the Three Tenors that made us do it for a bet..."

Placido Domingo is saying nothing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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