Written by Vegas Sinner
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Topics: Diet, Heidi Klum, Twinkie

Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Heidi Klum On Crash Twinkie Diet
Heidi Klum's diet consists of high-fat, artery-clogging meals to remain competitive on the catwalk.

Las Vegas -- Heidi Klum today has traded her normal diet of greens for yellow, cream-filled Twinkies.

"I've always loved to gorge myself on Twinkies, hot fudge sundaes, and lots of Big Macs- this is my cream come true," says Klum, the famed cover girl, model, and television personality. "I look preggers," adding, "And Seal just loves pinchin' my fat."

"Victoria Secrets has demanded from all their models that they immediately take on a frumpy and torn down look because they are just not selling the older style of sexy skinny-minnie lingerie apparel anymore," says Klum, while imbibing on her third Twinkie and second McDonald's shake for breakfast. "I've always did whatever they want; I want to continue in my reign as having the top-spot on the catwalk."

With more and more people packing on the pounds in today's society, similarly Victoria Secrets has experienced the buying trend, reporting a corollary 30 percent revenue drop for their almost-wearing-nothing line of sexy lingerie. And they haven't reached bottom yet, according to Sam Wylie, CEO for Victoria Secrets. "People like to see models they can better relate to. Being rotund and 'large is lovely' is where it's at. We're covering up all the skin, and doing so in a fast and complete way. We're throwing fashion to the wind, with practicality being the order of the day."

"I'm sending all my buyers to the cornfields of Indiana today to purchase as many burlap gunnysacks from the grain processors as we can find to dress down our models," says Wylie, adding, "We want to regain our industry leadership position, wanting to be known as the 'Fat Pack' brand."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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