At an early morning press conference at the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI firmly denied having ever having received fellatio from Jamie Lynn Spears, the pregnant youthful star of TV's Zoey 101 and the younger sister of troubled pop star Britney Spears.
"I don't know how these rumors get started. I have never met the child" the Pontiff declared. "Even if I did meet her that does not mean she ever came into my chamber. Even if she did come into my chamber that does not mean we kissed. Even if we kissed that does not mean she performed oral sex on me".
The Pontiff finally did acknowledge that Jamie Lynn kissed his feet but insisted this was simply part of his duty as Pope and he derived no sexual enjoyment from it.
"Everyone kisses my feet", The Pope continued. "Having my feet kissed is part of being Pope. All Popes do that".
Several witnesses claim that Jamie Lynn asked the Pope for a private confession and things became "rather noisy" in the confessional booth.
"I could hear him moaning", said a Pontifical spokesperson who agreed to be interviewed on condition of anonymity. "Jamie Lynn told him how she got pregnant and this made him horny. He made Jamie Lynn give him head as part of her penance".
Jamie Lynn denies that there was any sort of sexual contact between herself and the Pope. "Well, maybe a little", Ms Spears clarified.