Written by Pariah
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Topics: sick

Monday, 26 April 2004

image for New Reality Show 'The Swine' Coming to FOX
Ms. Tiffany Peckham, finalist on 'The Swine'

In an effort to capitalize on the sick and twisted perversions of the American viewing tastes, FOX announced today that it will be starting a new reality series this Fall titled "The Swine".

"We expect this show to really bring home the bacon," stated Executive Producer Willie Palmer. "If anyone can win the race to capture the lowest common denominator, FOX is it!"

Although most shows which promote self-mutilation for profit and fame, such as Extreme Makeovers and The Swan, appear during the regular viewing week in either the 7PM or 8PM time-slot, FOX has decided to air their new show at 9PM on Saturdays. "Well, we have COPS at 7 and America's Most Wanted At 8, so it seems appropriate to continue the general theme by having 'The Swine' round out the night," commented Program Manager and former cop-basher, Angus Knucklemore.

Unlike its peer programs, 'The Swine' does not strive to improve upon genetic "shortcomings" of its participants, nor to have people sacrifice their life-long natural beauty for a short-lived synthetic one.

"We want to show our contestants for what they really are, and we think the result is a reflection of how our viewers would see themselves if they were looking through our eyes," stated FOX Executive U.R. Afreak.

Contestants on the show will receive an extreme make-under from the Kansas State University Department of Veterinary Medicine. They will receive several surgeries until they look like pigs. Each contestant is totally oblivious to the fact that they will be converted into a pig - they have just been told they would get plastic surgery that will make them look like a "Babe". Little do they know the "Babe" being refered to is the loveable little pig from the 1990's Disney film.

After surgery is completed, the contestants will be led to a trough in front of a live studio audience to be voted on. The contestent with the most votes will be awarded the title of "The Swine". After the awards are given, and the contestants have all enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame, they will all be slaughtered, skewered on spits and roasted over an open fire at the world's largest luau.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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