Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 22 February 2008

image for Bruce Forsyth Birthday Bash Hits Snag
Higher! Lower! The same! Who gives a shit?!

Bruce Forsyth, the oldest celebrity in Great Britain, is today at the centre of a huge row after a knees-up to mark the huge-chinned presenter's 100th birthday, had to be cancelled at the eleventh hour by BBC bosses, when it was realised that he was only 99.

The party, which was to be held at BBC Broadcasting House tomorrow, had already been organised down to the last detail, and is thought to have cost British licence-payers more than £100,000.

Forsyth has played host to many of the tackiest game shows on television over the last 70 years including The Generation Game, The Price Is Right, Play Your Cards Right and Strictly Come Dancing. He coined the catchphrases "I don't believe it!" and the immortal "Can you 'ear me, Mother?" whilst working on The Generation Game.

Brucie as he is known to thousands, thinks he is a decent golfer, and has hacked his way around many of Britain's most famous courses, including St Andrews, where he was asked to leave the course for playing too slowly.

The error regarding his age came to light yesterday. His wife Wilnelia Merced (which is an anagram that needs unscrambling before you can say it) contacted the BBC to tell executives there that her husband wasn't quite as old as they thought he was - (and as old as he seems).

She said:

"Lower! Lower! Lower!... Slightly!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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