Written by Jesus Budda

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Saturday, 23 February 2008

image for Celine Dion will Destroy Mankind
This woman professes to be an ardent 'Dion' supporter. She's being held at Guantanamo

'Singer' Celine Dion has made her most public threat yet. In a recorded video-taped message broadcast on Al Jazeera television, Dion - to a backing track of her excruciating song 'Think Twice' - made the following brief statement: "I am announcing my new world tour. It will begin shortly. I will sing all my greatest hits and some new songs too. That is all."

The most troubling aspect of the new recording is the mention of 'new songs'.

The World has been but on orange alert - suggesting an attack is imminent.

"We'll move to red alert when the radio stations start playing her stuff again", said an official, "but we hope it won't come to that. We take these threats very seriously".

A 'peace keeping' committee has been sent to negotiate a settlement with Canadian leaders whereby the Dion threat can be averted.

For a number of years Dion has been contained in a secure Las Vegas location - away from the innocent ears of non-rich Middle Americans and people with some sembalence of taste.

The world was on the brink of destruction in 1997 after the movie 'Titanic' broke box office records and Dion's theme 'song' from the Oscar-winning picture broke glasses and shattered nerves everywhere. Thankfully her "heart" did not in fact go on, and she disappeared into the Nevada desert.

"May God have mercy on us all", muttered President Bush, yesterday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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