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Saturday, 16 February 2008

image for S.I. Swimsuit Models Describe Terrifying Conditions Shooting the Famous Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
These models may not expose their flesh again to the S.I. cameras

A group of swimsuit models from a recent Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition have filed complaints against the magazine due to "unsafe and inhumane working conditions and standards."

Cathy Scotland, Nellie MacPerson, and Holly Simons are suing in U.S. Federal Court to halt distribution of the issue and receive compensation for their "torture and other really bad stuff" at the hands of photographers, editors, and sight coordinators.

Cathy described the working conditions as "really gross." She said that she was not able to reveal the location of the suit due to contractual limitations, but it was "totally un-cool". "I was shooting in this heated, indoor sauna and was sweating like a pig, even in my teenie weenie bikini. Because I was so hot, my nipples were not standing up for the camera, or so the photographers said.

"They kept dumping these big things of icewater on me to make me cold so they could make me hot (their words). I felt like a football coach getting a gatorade bath after the big game, but it kept happening over and over.

"Then they drained the hot tub and filled it with icewater and had me stay in it for twenty minutes. My toes were blue, my knees were frozen in position, and my hair on my happy spot was freezing and cracking and breaking off. They finally got the shot and I could get out and warm up. You find me a woman with pointy nipples in a hot tub!"

Nellie had a similar nipple problem. "I was supposed to be walking on the beach. We shot this in November, and I was freezing my ass off anyway. They said that my nipples weren't big or hard enough! They called in this third world country doctor and gave me botox injections in my nipples to make them harder and give a bigger image under my bikini top!

"That was months ago and they won't settle down! I poke holes in all of my bras. I embarass myself when they pop through to see what is going on in restaurants. When I do push-ups, I dent the floor at the gym. They did this for the money shot, but now they need to show me the money!"

Holly says that her treatment was also sexual in nature, but involved her nether regions. "They told me that I was going to be the girl that had the bikinis painted on this year. They told me that I needed to be shaved down there so that hair would not come through in the picture. The shoot director decided that he would be the one to shave me! Every day! And inspect between shoots!

"He would have to run his hands over me to see if he could feel any stubble. When he wasn't sure, he'd have to run his tongue over me to check and verify. Then he'd have to check the same way for hair on my breasts!

"I almost felt that he was taking advantage of the situation, especially when I saw the final pictures. They are all shot above the waist or from behind!"

The women say that this was their first experience shooting the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. They do not know if they will do it again, unless "they promise us the cover or something."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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