Berlin - (Putrid Cinematography Mess): Relentless self-reinventer Madonna-Kebab was in hiding today after critics panned her latest film offering Filth, Wisdom & Self-Delusion likening it to a lurid, tacky, cliche-ridden descent into the abysmal depths of tertiary syphilis-generated egomania.
"Apart from that it was OK for a beginner, ya," local film buff Hans-Fritz von Strudelhopper mused today.
The largely autobiographical movie left many Berlin Film Festival audiences groaning with agony.
Complaints included that watching the entire 80 minutes footage was tantamount to psychological harassment, that it caused a spontaneous outbreak of hemorrhoids and a sudden reversion into a pre-catatonic form of epilepsy.
"And the Britney song sequence sucks too," the Westphalian Moviegoer Magazine editorial commented.
The criticism has left Madonna unfazed despite industry estimates that the film will lose her over £10 million and a barrage of personal injury lawsuits.
A sequel is planned for 2009.