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Thursday, 14 February 2008

image for National High School Cheerleading Championships Conclude in Florida
GIve me an "R." Give me an "I." Give ma an "O." Give me a "T."

The National High School Cheerleading Championships took place once again at Walt Disney World in sunny Orlando, Florida. Teams from every state in the nation attended the competition to prove that they could jump, yell, flip, and wave their pom poms better than any of the other girls. While the girls (and a few boys) fight to "Bring It On" at the Disney stages concluded Tuesday morning, the contest continued all the way to the Orlando International Airport.

As a team from Texas (The San Antonio Herefords) walked through concourse A carrying their trophy for fourth place, a girl from New Orlean shouted words described by witnesses as being something like "Hey cows, did you win that by shaking your udders for the judges?"

At that point, the catfight was on. It was pom pom pandemonium!

Teams from California to Maine, from Alaska to Florida, and from Hawaii to Puerto Rico bared their teeth and pulled out their freshly polished and perfectly manicured nails and went at it. The fur flew as even the few male cheerleaders were seen hitting each other with their purses.

The brawl spilled from luggage check-in, through security check in, and down to the gates. Perky young blondes were seen to do triple summersault flips over arrival/departure monitors to kick rivals in the face. Luggage carts were expertly to topple pyramids of skanky teens. Black, white, red, brown, and peroxide blonde hair littered the jetway as girls were spraying Nair with one hand and pulling each other's hair from the roots with another.

The airport did not have enough security or police to handle the riot.

As high school t-shirts, bicycle shorts, bras, thong panties, and hair scrunchies were ripped from enemy combatents in the fierce struggle, scratches became apparent and blood begin to flow. Soon, the girls were tearing the heads off of the Mickey Mouse and Shrek souveniers of their bitter rivals.

Other passengers in the terminal were forced to cower behind counters in the food court and down the halls of the jetways as nowhere in the concourse seemed safe.

Police were only able to restore order by contacting T-Mobile, Sprint, Alltel, Verizon, and the other cell phone companies. They sent a simultaneous text message to all cell phones within terminal A announcing that, for one day only, Clearasil and all Maybelline and Covergirl products would be on fifty percent clearance at all Walgreen's stores.

At that point, all of the Spirit Queens stopped their fighting and ran to line up to board their planes and return home to take advantage of the bargains.

There is an old saying, "If looks would kill." For teenage girls, looks are more important than killing, even if your school mascot is a Hereford cow.

Make Throckmorton Turdblossom's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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