Britney Spears quietly left the Los Angeles mental hospital that had been her home for just over a week. The pop star left almost three weeks before her scheduled release. Soon, she was being followed by reporters and a media helicopter.
Spears led the paparazzi to a local hotel and rented a meeting room. There, she gave an impromptu press conference and issued the following statement.
"I am not crazy. There is nothing wrong with me. I am 110% normal. I love my kids and my parents and my fans and thank them for their support."
"I also made a whole bunch of new friends in the hospital. I met Abraham Lincoln; I never knew he was black! I met an eighty year old drag queen who said he was Marilyn Monroe. I also met Superman and Mickey Mouse, which was cool, because I used to be a member of his club. My favorite person that I met was this guy from another planet. These people are all my new friends and will be the core of my new posse."
"Anyway, I have decided to turn my life around and get a real job that is outside of the entertainment industry. I want to cut hair as a beautician! I've never cut anyone's but my own, but so many people saw pictures of my style that I think it is famous. I've seen a lot of people copying it everywhere. There's even a saying called Bald is beautiful. I think that the new Britney cut will be a new fashion that will take the world by storm."