Cyberspace - (Lactating Mess): TheSpoof.com's in-house multi-denominational chaplain Fr Fergus McShergar today called for the appointment of a website wet-nurse.
"We need to ease the pastoral burden now that so many are in need of succour," the prelate confided.
"This heavy load has been a right handful and has lain heavily on my chest," McShergar added.
Fr Fergus says that ever since a spate of breast-related stories on the site he has sat up all night burning the midnight 'hash oil': "Some of the troubled young lads are all of seventeen, maybe eighteen at the very most. Horny as hell and devoid of experience.
"They need the sort of maternal guiding hand that only a no-nonsense lactating female mentor can provide...
"And probably a damned good slap with the holy missal on an ad-hock basis."
The successful applicant will be trained exclusively in the good father's own inner sanctum on rainy afternoons between half past three and twenty to four.
"'Tis the milk of human kindness that needs dispensing with a firm hand and absolutely no dummies."
All applicants will be frisked for falsies.