Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Saturday, 2 February 2008

image for Britney Spears Released From Hospital. Elvis Rumor Confirmed
Or: "I've Got a Dude In Me."

(Los Angeles-CA) It might as well be a revolving door on crack-pop mom Britney Spears' hospital room after she was again released early yesterday from UCLA Medical Center, but this time given a "clean bill of mental health". And the release may turn into a new page for the Vagina Monologues, because the reason given by her psychiatric team is that Elvis Presley, or more exactly his spirit, has been found in her uterus.

Spears' friends and family contacted Los Angeles police after she had been driving erratically around her home. Close Spears' friend Sam Lutfi told People Magazine: "When she got out of her car, I heard "Suspicious Minds" blasting. But I thought it was coming from the sound system, boy was I wrong." Lutfi then went on to say that he missed the big sign of Spears then requesting, "a peanut butter, jelly, bacon, and banana fried sandwich", apparently one of the King's favorites.

Recently reconciled and soon to be grandmother again, Lynne Spears was as relieved. "For about a year, Britney has been saying, "I've got Elvis in me." But I thought she was just crazy. You know, like that YouTube video where she says time machines are real. This is a big relief because I think legally we've now got a stake in Elvis Presley Enterprises."

The Spears-Elvis (or as People Magazine has dubbed it, Spelvis) discovery was made upon a chance re-examination by noted psychic John Edward, in of all places his bathroom, of the now famous Spears "money" shot. "I was really looking it over," said Edward. "And a feeling came over me in that bathroom, not the usual one I feel with Britney. Then there was Elvis is all is glory right between her legs smiling. And let's face it who wouldn't be?" Edward then said he "divined" Spears' gynecologist's number. The rest was freedom for Spears and a tsunami of reaction from the world.

Pope Benedict XVI mentioned Spears in his Sunday Mass from the Vatican. The pontiff said, "I guess that about answers the whole life after death thing." But the religious community was not without controversy. Billy Graham released a statement on his web site, "While the Pope believes it settles the life after death matter, he forgets that Elvis was a Baptist, not a Papist. Catholics convert or be damned, for the King is here." While former Spears husband, Kevin Federline, said, "If Elvis was in her while we were married, can I get more money out of her on adultery charges?"

As for the new duo of Spelvis, a Spears and Elvis planned world tour had to be postponed due to an unexpected yeast infection that gave the King laryngitis.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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