Hollywood, Ca --
Last week the Spoof reported that Hollywood has its new Super Couple, Justin Guarini and Nicole Richie, GUARICHIE (see I spelled it right this time!!!). Now, the Spoof has uncovered the first pictures of what their love child would look like. [see image at left].
"Well, we were all asking ourselves what kind of hair a Guarichie child would have? It's our thing. We get together and talk about celebrities. Someone has to answer the big questions. You don't think Katie Couric would, do you?" the ladies of a morning 'news' show on one of the three major networks which has lots of women in its cast asked this reporter who didn't have time to reply before they went off on another tangent so she left.
Calls to a major entertainment television show on a major entertainment network got a staffer who jubilantly said, "Yippeee! Hooray! I was so afraid I would have to look for some real work. When Bennifer broke up, they laid off three reporters. There just wasn't any news in Hollywood, except for that Michael Jackson scandal, but who cares about that? We know what America likes and well, now, with Guarichie, I can think of buying that house in the suburbs I always wanted. Yayyyyyyyyyyy!"
So, about the love child, everyone admits that well, they didn't have a child. This is all just conjecture and hearsay.
A reporter for one of the nation's major tabloids, which begins with "E" and rhymes with Inspirer, but I'm not revealing my sources, said,"Conjecture and hearsay is what we do best. That's why people keep reading us. So, when the ladies on that TV show released their picture of what a Guarichie child would look like, well, we ran it on our front page. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. If people wanted truth, well, they wouldn't be buying our magazine or watching Wrestling or ...well, you get my drift."
Then, he added, "This is off the record, right?"
I said, "Yup. Sure. No problem."
So, check out the picture of what a Guarichie love child might look like. Make up your own story to go with it and sell it to a major tabloid. Who knows? They just may buy it.
PS. Just in case you were wondering, this is a picture of Christina Aguilera during a very bad hair phase. If you thought this story was true, well...please stop reading right now and go to the nearest doctor. Tell them it's an emergency. Okay! This has been a Public Service Announcement.