Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 28 January 2008

image for Eminem To Change His Name To Something Less Conspicuous As A Publicity Stunt
Bullied as a child - Marshall Mathers

Popular singing star Eminem, who was bullied as a child, is to change his name in a bid to break into the mainstream music market, and to attempt to shed his image as an idiot.

The crooner, also known as Slim Shady, has seen a decline in his record sales since 2005, and is keen to get his career 'back on track'. He has, therefore, decided to come up with a name that will appeal more to the masses.

As a fantastically-thought-out gimmick, he has chosen a name that is entirely in keeping with the 'M&M' sound of his real name, and come up with Marshall Mathers - get it everyone? M & M.

Eminem's physician, Dr Dre, commented that the star would probably suffer a loss of credibility after changing his name, but agreed that adopting a 'stage name' could have potential benefits. The doctor, himself, had lately been toying with the idea of changing his own name to something less fussy, like 'Andre Romell Young', but said he needed the opinions of his patients first.

Another rap singer, Jay-Z, recently changed his name to 'Shawn Corey Carter', and yet another, Akon, opted for the extremely unlikely 'Alioune Badara Thiam', though this made little difference to their careers as both are still absolute garbage.

A spokesman for Mr Mathers, Bad Sucka D, said:

"He thought a cute namechange might bring him closer to the mass audience many of these attention-seeking, limelight-craving, headline-dependent, talentless bums hanker after."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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