Los Angeles - (Reuters & Bad Ass Mess): Singer Britney Spears is to get a new snatch.
The 23 year old has told a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon that the root of her troubles lies in subliminal pollutants wedged into her vagina walls, a hangover from toxic memories of screwing K-Fed and various others during a rough patch in her stellar career.
Last year Britney's gynecologist said a vagina wall remould operation similar to re-treading car tyres might solve her dilemma.
Subsequent toxicology tests showed the problem was more advanced than modern surgery techniques could solve.
"Basically there are no vagina walls left," Prof VC Smart of the Seedy Signs Clinic in LA said today, "too much erosion and toxic stimulants have completely worn away the ridged lining that you'd normally expect to line a woman's fanny.
"Fortunately there is a thriving transplant market available for somebody with Britney's $$$s.
"We recommend our client considers an Afro-Carribean snatch or possibly even a Chinese.
"Of course she could just go for a straightforward swap. Plenty of female trophy-hunters would give an arm and a leg to be able to say they had bought Britney's vagina and were able to give men a good ride for their money by offering test-drives."
An update on this fast-breaking story is expected soon.