Found earlier today was the lifeless corpse of actor Heath Ledger, star of several films including A Knights Tale and The Patriot.
Close friend and costar Jake Gyllenhaal of Annie Proulx's homoerotic Brokeback Mountain, made a few comments just to The Spoof. "He was a great friend, someone that I knew that I could be behind all the way, and know that the favor would be returned.
"It seems like only yesterday when we hung out and played silly games like 'what's hiding in the cave' and 'which hand is the baby-batter in' just to pass the time.
"If I only had the chance to tell him how deeply he touched me, he will be sorely missed."
To rule out the cause of death, a full toxicology screen shall be performed and an full HIV screen will be administered to costar Jake Gyllenhaal.