World class decathlete Mike Britney caused a stir this week while practicing his javelin throw. According to his training partner and sister, Linda, Britney stumbled as he released the javelin, which sailed off course and into a nearby farmer's pasture.
"I went right into this huge cow," Linda said. The impaled bovine did not survive. The animal's owner, Roy Jackson, said this is simply more evidence that Britney's career is on the down turn.
"I think Britney's just getting too old for this," Jackson said, "Really, it's time to just hang it up and move on to something else."
Apparently shaken and wiping tear-stained eyes, Britney drove off without speaking to the press.