Written by Simon Cockle
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Sunday, 20 January 2008

image for Sir Alex's god-daughter pregnant by "News of the World"

The god-daughter of Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed she's pregnant by the best-selling Sunday newspaper "The News of the World". Lauren McRacklin, 21, said she had only slept with the newspaper once but was now 3 months pregnant with a story.

"I saw it first in the newsagents," she said at a packed press-conference, "and I was attracted to its sleazy glamour and vile addiction to revolting acts of human degradation." She said that they "did it" on their first night. "The newspaper was considerate and gentle, and we were at it all night...I'm not surprised there was a story at the end of it."

The newspaper has refused to comment so far but has been linked with a string of retarded coke-ridden holes-on-legs in recent years. It has been responsible for the births of many stories but few live beyond a few days in the nation's consciousness.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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