Amid a report in the British newspaper News of the World that singer Britney Spears was looking to convert to Islam, the faith of her current beau and paparazzio Adnan Ghalib, the World's one billion Muslims have collectively stated that they want nothing to do with Spears.
"We don't want her, she'd just be an embarrassment," said Mohammed Akbar El-Jafar, Director of Public Relations and Pop Culture for the World Muslim Council. "Sure we've had some P.R. hiccups in the last few years, what with Bin Laden, the London Bombings, those cartoon riots, honor killings, and that Ahmedinejad dude, who by the way is totally not hot right now. But Britney? Come on. Those things were nothing compared to her shaving her head. And that MTV performance? It was so bad we wouldn't even air it on Al-Jazeera until like, around midnight after Jackass reruns."
For some Muslims, Spears' application is seen as a symptom of a generally negative view of Islam in popular culture. El-Jafar cites the recent downward spiral of the quality of celebrity converts.
"Man, back in the day we had Mohammed Ali. And then Cat Stevens converted, a guy who was musically respected, yet still 'street' enough to be doing blow off the stomach of low class whores. Then Mos Def and Q-Tip joined, and suddenly we were hot again. But recently? We got that Everlast guy, who was like a one hit wonder. And now we got Britney? Hello? Maybe 2 albums and 20 pounds ago, honey!"
However, the Council is actively trying to improve the image of Islam in order to add some higher profile names, such as "Jessica Alba, or even one of the Olsen Twins. Oh and maybe Jamie Lynn, Britney's sister. Teen pregnancy is so hot right now," said El-Jafar.