Britney Spears was involved in a standoff last night with police after refusing to hand over custody of her two kids.
The pop star reputedly spewed profanities and her head rotated counter-clockwise in a decidedly demonic manner.
"It was quite frightening at first to find a sweet young thang like her talking dirty like that", said lard-assed LA police officer Latetitia Dubois, "that kind of sh*t we expect from skanks like Christina Aquilera. But not sweet little Britney, honey child".
Spears was said to be excessively drunk and observers noted that when she was eventually wheeled away in a strait-jacket after being sedated, Miss Spears clutched a bottle of industrial grade liquid detergent in her left hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in her right. One papparazzo took what looks like a photo showing a couple of bottles of cheap vodka tucked tightly between her legs.
Spears kids were wrapped in a bow and delivered to the address of Kevin Federline's mother where they will be looked after in a safe, secure environment protected by razor wire and man-eating aardvarks.
Insiders say Spears started the commotion because she was jealous of all the attention her pregnant sister Jamie Lynn has been attracting recently.
"Britney is displaying classic signs of sibling rivalry", said Doctor Joyce Brothers, "public displays of such stupid behavior like this is common amongst jealous c*nts".
"I'd recommend a bunch of diazapam and lots of meanlingless, raw, animal sex with a famous Hollywood superstar as a cure. Kepp her mind off the whole Jamie Lynn thing. But, hey, thats just my opinion. And opinions are like assholes, and all that sh*t".
Britney's antics didn't end there. On the way to the hospital she propositioned a female ambulance driver, offering a lucrative Pesis contract as payment. She also made an overt sexual pass at a Bulgarian orderly with a stuffed badger.