Bikini Bottom, Under the Sea -
The new Spongebob movie, which has yet to be released above ground, is making more than a few waves under the sea.
"I can't believe what I was seeing on the screen. That's not how it happened. It was so anti-Krab that I just want to start a protest," Eugene Krabs, the proprietor of the Krusty Krab fast-food franchise, said today.
"He just made me look like I was cheap, mean and a slave-driver. He didn't show all the times we laughed and joked. He portrayed me as his persecutor. It was just wrong," Mr. Krabs began to cry, but noticed a shiny penny on the ground, picked it up and whistled as he went away.
"What is this all about? I sent him a list of 39 things wrong with his script and he ignored me. I know he didn't ask for my input, but I was right. You just can't paint history the way you want to; you have to put it into its proper context. I am just so appalled that well, I am not buying any of his merchandise." Squidward Tentacles said from his tiki-mask home next door to Spongebob today.
Of course, not everyone is complaining about the movie. So far, "The Passion of the Sponge" has made lots of clams and has had schools of fish lining up around the reef.
"When Sandy follows Spongebob to his doom, you just look at her and she is so beautiful. The emotion that she shows in her big, squirrel-y teeth and plump cheeks is more than I could bear. My eyes began to puff up. It was so intense," Mrs. Puff sobbed.
"Oh and Patrick, that traitor. He turned Spongebob in. I am glad he ate himself to death. What a shock! He was supposed to be Spongebob's friend," Plankton said from the Chum Bucket. "I am so saddened by the experience that I will not even try to steal the formula for the Krabby Patty for at least three weeks. This movie is that powerful. It just makes you think."
When asked what he thought about all the controversy surrounding his movie, Spongebob said, "I just hope that people on land pay to see the movie and then tell me what they think. I don't care if they like it or not. I just care if they pay. So, come see my movie, okay."
The movie opens up over the summer. So, skip the beach and come to see it on-screen. It will be at a theater near you. Be part of the "Passion of the Sponge."