Written by Jesus Budda
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Sunday, 30 December 2007

image for Jamie Lynn: Britney impregnated me with Ron Paul's sperm
Jamie Lynn is so far not revealing any unusual bumps

The entertainment world was shocked to hear that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant and now it turns out that they are to be shocked once again with the startling revelation that her sister Britney secretly impregnated her in her sleep with the 'man juice' of political superstar Ron Paul.

"My sister defouled me", whinged Jamie Lynn today at a hastily arranged press conference in Malibu, " fuckin' bitch put a bun in my oven. Now people will think I'm a bitch, tramp, slut - just like her.

"And as if having a kid isn't bad enough, now I know how it's gonna look. Ron Paul, for Christ's sake. What sort of a sicko would do this to me. Britney is such an easy lay. How else could she have gatehred his 'seed'?"

Why would Britney Spears - a world famous singer and entertainer, who herself is a mother - do such a crazy thing to her own kid sister? The answer lies in a late nite converstation between the two siblings a few weeks back.

"Me and Britney were kidding around while smoking dope one evening. And I kinda joked how much fun it would be to have a baby. I was thinking in terms of having a kid sometime in the future. But I guess Britney was so stoned she must've taken it the wrong way.

"She left the house and said she had a political rally to attend immediately. I just thought it was the drugs talking but I later found out she was secretly meeting Ron Paul. Britney is such an easy lay".

It transpires that sometime later that nite Britney returned home in her custom built hover-craft with a syringe filled with 'Ron tonic' and deposited it in her slumbering sis. Britney denies any recollection of this series of events but has admitted to "seeing" some guy in a suit and possession of a number of hypodermic needles.

"I expected more from my own flesh and blood", whined Jamie Lynn, "I shall have my revenge. Nobody messes with my Nikelodeon contract".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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