Written by Phil Rowe
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Wednesday, 19 December 2007

image for BBC announce ban on all meat related references

BBC Radio 1 controller Andy Parfitt was said to be 'smug and elated' after the BBC announced a company wide ban on all meat related references in its music, film and current affairs programmes yesterday.

The controversy was sparked after Mr Parfitt dictated that the word 'Faggot' be edited out of the The Pogues' classic 'Fairytale in New York', claiming the word was 'offensive to homosexuals'. Gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell was said to be 'jumping up and down on the spot, fluttering his hands' upon hearing the news.

But the move has sparked anger amongst many viewers and listeners;

"Oh yes! The gays are getting protected again, but nobody's protecting me from being offended by the song' said one slut."

A BBC spokesman said:

"We have decided to remove all meat related references after a man who sleeps in our doorway informed us that these could be used as sexual slurs"

When pressed further, he stated "There are many of these currently in use, such as:

"He's a bit of a sausage sucker.

"Love the old pork dagger, do you?

"Part the beef curtains, love, I'm coming in

"I'm gonna slam this up and stir your offal

And 'Can you smell fish or is it me?'"

Hans Lykleavers, chairman of BASTAD (Butcher's Association of Social Training And Dipomacy), said "Fuck 'em! This is just ludicrous - do they really expect the entire English speaking world to come up with new, non-meat related metaphors for everything. Bollocks!"

Meanwhile Sir Ian McKellen, a self-confessed sprout comanchie said "I really don't see what all the fuss is about…. I like meat"

Obviously, missus.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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