Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 21 December 2007

image for Lily Allen Pregnant (Or Is She?)
She should really stop eating so much!

Lily Allen, the new Princess of Pop, has claimed that she is pregnant in an attempt to rid herself of the title of ... Health experts, though, are not convinced, and say it could be a 'front' for her continued and unmanageable obesity.

Writing on her website, Miss Allen, 22, says that not long after she and her boyfriend Ed Simons moved in together, she "felt an incredible churning in the stomach region", and guessed that she must be "up the duff".

Doctors, however, say that she is most likely "hungry", and the groaning sounds and cravings for ice-cream, are just her body telling her to cram another meal down her neck.

The singer has had problems in the past with her weight, and had to pull out of a US tour because she couldn't risk going to the States and exploding on stage after a hefty burger supper.

Simons, who at 37 is old enough to be her dad, denied that his girlfriend was overweight, and said:

"She's definitely pregnant. If not, I'm outta here."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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