Orange County, California -- Scientists at the Orange County Crime Lab have a mystery on their hands... "What" is Michael Jackson? DNA studies recently completed show that Michael's DNA profile is more closely related to that of an Atlantic sea sponge than a human being. "We have repeated the test numerous times and each time we come up with the same test results." "It certainly explains his incrediable mobility. He moves like he has no skelelton, just like a sponge. It may also explain his nose, or lack of one," scientists report. Jackson's family denies any relation to aquatic life. "Someone has manipulated the tests. Michael and Latoya are as human as the rest of us. We are prepared to sue." Latoya was recently accused of being "A reptilian alien hybrid" in a supermarket tabloid article. Scientists insist they have no reason to lie. "It doesn't make any difference to us "What" he is related to. They then added... "A curious thing happened after we drew his blood... He ask the lab tech for "a cup of brine shrimp and a straw. He sucked the brine shrimp through his teeth like a whale, then raised his head in the air and made a noise like a fog horn... you do the math."