Film buffs were busy twitching at the sphincter this week when details of a new Shaft movie starring Richard Roundtree and Britney Spears were announced.
As well as the original blockbusting Shaft (1971), sequels Shaft In Africa (1973) and Shaft's Big Cock (19 inches) propelled the black American actor into the limelight where he endured a glittering career, finally ending up on the Muppets.
Spears has struggled of late, having lost the ability to sing, and recently had her children taken away from her after questions arose regarding her suitability as a parent.
In the new film, Shaft In Hospital, Roundtree dons his long brown leather coat to take up the role once more of the streetwise cool bastard cop who spends his days eyeing up passing 'bitches', smiling knowingly to himself as he achieves maximum length in his trousers.
Wheelchair-bound Shaft, now 93, is a patient in Ward 86 of the world-renowned Harlem Cripple Hospital, from where he flirts with booty-shaking young black nurses, 'jives' with pimps moonlighting as medics, and ingests copious amounts of morphine whilst trying to track down a thief who has been stealing women's underwear from patients at the hospital.
Spears plays hospital matron Britney Goodhead, who keeps bending down to pick up random 'dropped' items just as Shaft is passing in his Spaz Chariot.
Sir Isaac Hayes, who is now a chef, has re-recorded the original theme from the movie, and replaced its title with 'Shite'. Speaking at a Press conference on Friday, Hayes praised the performances of the two stars when he said:
"They're two bad mothers!"