Elvis Presley has been arrested this morning after handing himself into a Memphis Police station last Friday. At the time of his re-appearance Presley appeared to be in a state of mental clarity but claimed to have no memory of the past 30 years.
'I think I am a missing person', he announced to a stunned officer. The performer has been presumed dead since 1977 when his bloody smashed-up canoe was discovered off the coast of Cornwall, where he was holiday with his family. DNA technology has since revealed the abovementioned 'blood' to be Presley's beloved Ketchup.
Since the King's disappearance, his wife Priscilla has been living it up in Panama, spending her husband's life insurance millions on a soft furnishings business venture, and only leaving her plush and chintzy mansion to make occasional appearances on home shopping channels.
The hamster-cheeked 'widow' recently won the prestigious OMIDA (Oprah Magazine Interior Design Award) for her inspired new Jungle Room range.
Elvis's arrest has been made in the light of rising suspicions about this bizarre series of events. His tanned and well-fed appearance did nothing to dispel notions of foul play, and neither did the fact that he was sporting a Panama hat upon his arrival at the police station.
Apparently, recent photographs of the 'dead' legend with his family have been cropping up on the Internet, and it appears even the King could not resist the lure of the social networking phenomenon, as is evident from his incriminating Facebook postings. Priscilla and Lisa-Marie are currently protesting their innocence.