Written by Dr A Friend
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Topics: Movies, singer

Tuesday, 30 March 2004

image for Prat in the Hat movie breaks all records
Blobby Solder in a scene from his movie Prat in the Hat

Wolverhampton, UK - He's done it again. The 70s glam rocker, Blobby Solder has changed career yet again and this time it's into educational movies. Following his dazzlng career as front man and singer in special needs band, Slade, TV personality and quiz show entertainer Blobby's latest venture is the kid's educational movie Prat in the Hat. Jim Lea, "the quiet one" bass player in the former special needs band and now Blobby's official biographer, explained the latest development.

"It's just anuthorr wayye fer Noddy te get ta weir his tup haat aint eeett mayte", said Jim, speaking from Noize 'R Us headquarters in Wolverhampton. Jim was reminsicing about the 70s Slade days, before Blobby changed his name. Then known as Noddy Holder, Blobby always wore his trade-mark stove-pipe top hat, in honour of his idol Isambard Kingdom Brunel, while belting out the classic songs like "Cum on Feel the Noize" and "We're All Crazee Now" at 400 decibels and without any amplification.

Blobby first developed his passion for educashun and promoshun of gud spellnig in his years as the special needs glam band's songsmith - and these talents are used to brilliant effect in the new Prat in the Hat movie.

A well-kept secret is Blobby's talents as an inventor. Way back in the early 70s, he invented the CD and first used the shiny discs in his music career as decoration on his top hat. Later, gardeners found that CDs were ideal as bird scarers and office workers around the globe began to use them as coffee mats too. Brunel rejected CDs for the wheels on his steam engines as he thought the reflections would frighten the horses. As a top-dude engineer however, he also intuitively realised that their compressive stress properties were utter crap.

As with many all-British inventions, the CD's use as a recording medium was exploited commercially in Japan, breaking all industry records in the process.

In her resignation speech at the Commons yesterday Bev Spews, the tearful Minister for Special Needs, pinned the blame for her downfall entirely on Mr Solder. "When I took up my appointment as minister, the spelling statistics for this country were abysmal, thanks mainly to Mr Holder's lyrics." she sobbed, "Now we have a whole generation with hearing and sight difficulties too, due to his grating voice and that bloody hat."

Miss Spews had allegedly tried to fiddle the UK immigration application process to raise literacy standards with floods of illegal immigrants, but her attempts were thwarted by a leaked e-mail from the Bulgarian SAS, the Slade Appreciation Society.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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