Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Kate Moss

Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for Kate Moss cleans out dealers for Davina's birthday orgy bash
Armed security guards are well camouflaged in the mansion grounds ahead of the party tonight

St John's Wood, London - Ass Mess): "No wonder there's an effin' crack and smack drought in London this week," dealers at Camden's Whorely Arms pub complained today after being told every last gram of recreational drugs has been commandeered this weekend for Kate Moss's birthday bash orgy for friend Davinia Taylor's 30th.

A steady stream of blacked-out window pantechnicons has been seen delivering supplies of alcohol, food and sundries to the St John's Wood address where armed security guards patrol the mansion grounds.

"They're expecting Wills and Harry, the Gallagher brothers, Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty, Sadie Frost and the bloke from Northern Crock who 'lent' Kate £50 million," a source close to the £15 million Acacia Avenue villa said today.

"We saw five hundred cases of the '96 Krug were delivered this morning along with a dozens of oriental bongs, a 20 gallon vat of Smirnoff Black Label," a neighbor reported amid growing fears that the party might be a bit under-supplied by usual Moss standards.

Meanwhile the West End central police station has refused to comment on rumors that one thousand extra cops have had to be taken off terrorism duties and bussed to North London ahead of tonight's extravanagza.

"Sure, if ever there was a time to plan a big bust on La Moss this would be it," a senior Met source chuckled today.

"Balls of steel. That's what it would take to do it though."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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