Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Fat, Jared Fogle

Thursday, 15 November 2007

image for Jared Fogle to Donate Fat Pants to Smithsonian
A jealous fat man looks on as the Pants Caravan takes Jared's clothes on a national tour

Jared Fogle, the spokesman for Subway who lost half a ton by eating their sandwiches, will be donating his former wardrobe to the Smithsonian Institution.

The famous "fat pants" that he holds out in television commercials will soon be displayed among such other important historical items as the original Gettysburg address, the Kitty Hawk flyer, and Neil Armstrong's spacesuit.

Fogle, who lost his weight and became the spokesman for Subway almost ten years ago, was excited at the news. "Just thing about it. Shirts that I used to spill bbq sauce on could sit next to Daniel Boone's coon skin cap! My old, giant, Fruit of the Looms with their huge racing stripes could rest alongside the original golden spike. When I think that my pants will be out there for everyone to see, like George Washington's wooden teeth, it just makes me all warm inside."

The Smithsonian was unsure exactly what they would do with the clothing or even if they would display it. Spokesman Jeff Kimball, speaking off the record, said that "maybe we could use one of his socks as a windsock in the Air and Space museum or something. Otherwise, this is about as significant to me as that Kato guy who used to live with O.J. giving us his old hankies or a second string football player from some perennial loser like U.T.E.P donating his jockstrap. I mean, so what?"

Subway will sponsor a national tour of the pants and other clothing. Each local Subway in the U.S. will be visited in the next year by at least one piece of Jared's garments before they make their way to the Smithsonian by late 2008.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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