Written by Jesus Budda
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Tuesday, 13 November 2007

image for Celine Dion: Bulimia makes me sick
"Mmmm, thats one tasty Rat burger!"

Scrawny warbler, Celine Dion, has added her voice to an ad campaign to draw attention to eating disorders. The Titanic singer -as in the song, not as in size - is an avid believer in healthy eating and body health.

"Singing and making money is my passion", said Dion as she prepared for her world tour, "but there is also a special place in my cold, cold heart for anorexics and bulimics. I see many of these poor, sick people at my concerts. Now I'm not exactly Fatty Arbuckle (lard-assed old time Hollywood comedy actor, infamous for apparent "lewd" behavior with a Coca Cola bottle) but I know when it's time to eat. Sometimes I have a piece of lettuce. Other days I might gorge on a few figs. But some of these skinny bitches in the front row at my gigs are skeletal-thin. It makes me sick. I'm supposed to be the star!"

It's thought that Dion's comments were directed at one of the Olsen twins who attended last nites show.

The ad campaign, entitled "Does my butt look small in this?", shows Dion astride a bucking bronco wearing a pair of skin-tight denims, wailing at the top of her piercing voice about the pleasures of eating, while below her a group of gaunt faced teens cling to toilet bowls.

The commercial is being sponsored by McDonalds, who are promoting their own new range of super-sized burgers - made from the diseased entrails of South American mountain rats. "We want to encourage people to eat Big Rat's and see that just because they contain 500,000 calories per bite, you can still stay stick thin", said McDonalds spokesman CJ D. Maadcowl.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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